So some of “my” kids are now high school graduates. In honor of this (these?) life transitions, I have decided to compile some of my not so hard earned wisdom.
Take it, leave it, read it, ignore it. Some of this is from my experience, some from my parents, some from my husband and some from Oprah, America’s advice guru.
So, here goes:
Ahem. Attention, Attention. Today you become a man.
No, that isn’t quite right.
Let’s try again.
Well, now you are an adult. At least in the eyes of the world. You may feel like the same kid, look like the same kid, even smell like the same kid that you were just last week, but you are now an adult. A grown up.
Congratulations! You made it.
But what does being “an adult” mean?
Besides picking up after your own puppy, planning your own meals and paying your own bills, what nuggets of wisdom should you take with you into your new life?
Well, it’s like this:
It’s a little bit of trial and error, a little bit of common sense and a whole lot of discovering for yourself just where you fit in.
You are going, for example, to discover that not everyone likes you. Some people will seem to dislike you for no reason. You may not have ever talked to said disliker and they bear a grudge anyway. There is nothing that you can do about these people. They have already made up their minds. Forget about them and go hang out with your friends. Your friends are generally more fun. And if they aren’t, you need new friends.
One thing that may surprise you about being a grown up is that you are sometimes going to be lonely. You may have a mom, a dad, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a best friend for life, twelve dogs and two cats AND the most adoring fan club ever and you are still sometimes going to be lonely. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Lonely times can be creative times. Take a walk. Paint a picture. Run a mile. Soak in a bubble bath. Loneliness can be a time of figuring things out. Don’t be afraid of it. It will be okay.
Figuring things out will also be a huge component of your life. If you are lucky, you will never stop learning. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Go out to dinner alone. Read a book you never would have considered before. Learn to count to ten in another language.
Don’t put labels on yourself. You don’t have to be “the smart one” or “the pretty one” or “the funny one”. Life is big. Don’t be afraid to be big with it.
Learn the value of waiting. Be sure and wait for a response when talking with other people. Give people time to think. You don’t like to be interrupted. Neither does anyone else.
Don’t just talk to your friends. There was a news program a few years ago that featured a reporter throwing a dart at a map of the US. The reporter then traveled to whatever town the dart landed on and featured everyday people and their stories. Everyone has a story to tell. Be one of the people who takes the time to listen.
It really is nice to be nice. It makes you feel good and it helps the people around you. Really, what does it cost to share your candy bar or to help someone pick up their dropped packages or to hold open a door? Are you really in too big of a hurry to say “please” or “thank you”? Remember, you might just be the person who makes someone’s day.
Don’t be afraid to say yes. Teach a class of small children. Bake your grandmother a birthday cake. Sew your best friend a dress. Kick a soccer ball. Take your neighbor to the doctor. Do something you’ve never thought of yourself as doing before. So what if it isn’t “your thing”? You might discover a passion or hobby or talent that you otherwise might not have known about.
Once you say yes, however, take responsibility for your choices. So you don’t like your class of small children? You never want to see another soccer ball? Don’t quit. Wait until your semester/term/year ends, then do something else. Honor your commitments. No one likes unreliable people.
For God’s sake, learn to shut up. If you can, try and see the world in a different way. Is your job REALLY hell on earth? Is there NOTHING good about your school? Is your Pastor REALLY aiming all his sermons at you?
We all have “ThecatissickIburnedthedinnerandohnothecarwon’tstart” days. That’s okay. That’s life. But if all you can talk about is your nasty co workers and horrible family and crummy boyfriends, you may have a problem. Do people walk the other way when they see you coming? Then the problem may be you.
You are not like everyone else. You never will be. It’s fun to occasionally wear the same shirt as your Best Friend and be (in the words of my nieces) “matchers”, but don’t dress for other people’s approval. If you don’t like dresses, don’t wear a dress. If you can’t stand your hair in your face, cut it, no matter how cute your girlfriend thinks it is long.
Do a good job at your job. Very few of you are going to marry your boss, so be the best employee you can be. If you are in a customer based industry, for example, it is rude to take a personal phone call while someone is standing at the counter. If the garbage can is overflowing, don’t wait to be asked. Take it out. Take the initiative. Look around. There is usually something you can do. And erase the phrase “That’s not my job” from your vocabulary. We’re all in this together. Let’s start acting like it.
Double check. Proofread. You aren’t going to catch every mistake, but being careful never hurt.
Your love doesn’t always look like everyone else’s love. So your sister is having her third set of twins and your best friend just got engaged? That is them. That is not you. Don’t be in a big rush to find “the one”. Your romance is yours. How sad it would be to settle for second best just because you were copying the people around you.
Say “Thank You”. You aren’t all going to believe in God. That is your right. But you should believe in something other than yourself. And when you catch yourself transported by the beauty of a flower or the notes of a song or the cry of a baby, say “Thank You”.
And if you do believe in God, if you do consider yourself a Christian, try memorizing an old hymn or two. You’d be surprised how much it helps to sing them when you are feeling all alone.
And finally, always ALWAYS double check your flushing in public restrooms. Go back and look after you have washed your hands if you have to. No one, no matter how polite, wants to see someone else’s “business”. Be the kind of person who doesn’t leave yours.