Stephanie Says.. Take a walk inside my head

May 29, 2018

coooo mon ground

Filed under: ah life — srose @ 11:39 pm

You take one step in her direction
She takes one step the other way
And you talk
But you make no real connection
Hoping the smiles will disguise any pain
You live together in the same house
But the walls between you keep you
Worlds apart
Deep inside
You have the very same dreams
But neither of you know
Where to start
You’re on co-o-o-o-o mon ground
Co-o-o-o-o mon ground
Meet each other at the wall
And together you can tear it down
And you’ll find you live
On common ground
(Brent Lamb)

Forgive the mistakes. I’m working on memories of youth camp from 1991 or so.
This came to me tonight as I was posting Find A Way.
Obviously flippant remarks and quotes and even songs about love aren’t going to clean up every mess or mend every heart. Some hurts are too…well some things just suck and some situations are just…evil.

But sometimes we forget about love. Not puppy love or ice cream love or first dance love. Real love…the blood and sweat and muscle and sacrifice and teamwork that hopes and believes and cries and stretches and enfolds and takes in and lasts. Sometimes it hurts…it does. And we don’t always get what we need. And we give more than we ever take. And people…some of them are just plain jerks.

But some problems aren’t problems. Not really. Not ones that can’t be solved anyway. Pride hurts. I know. I don’t like to give in or be the first one to say something either. And I, like you, have a list of things that my foolish heart wants someone to thank me for.

But sometimes love is more important than being right.
And sometimes doing the NEEDED thing feels an awful lot like giving up what our heart is telling us it wants.
And sometimes we make the first move and people turn away anyway.

Pride is stubborn. Hearts can be hard. A person can only hear so many apologies before they begin sounding like some kind of script. And sometimes the people we talk to aren’t sincere at all. And the heartbreaking thing is that they never will be.

But do we want to be right or do we want love? Are we so wedded to our own way that we can’t at least TRY to find common ground?

Life’s not easy. Love’s not either. And yes, sometimes the mountains we’re scaling are real and big and we have to forge on all alone. Sometimes nothing anyone can say can fix what we’re living through. Sin is sin….and sometimes sin is big and huge and messy and there is no going back to anything like we were before.

But sometimes…just sometimes…if we take one step…then another…and take a breath…and remind ourselves that yes we’re speaking first AGAIN but love…REAL love can lead to beauty like we’ve never even dared to dream of imagining…sometimes…just sometimes…the walls come down…and someone holds out their hand…and maybe it takes years…or maybe it’s just like that…and the wall comes down.
Again.

May 23, 2018

I just wanted you to know

Filed under: ah life,Gratitude — srose @ 7:42 pm

I am reminded today that the people I talk about in my posts are so much more than the characteristics I highlight in my sentences. My husband, for example, may be firm in his beliefs about me, but he also can be generous and creative, helping me come up with ideas for projects or building things for the various classes and groups I lead and/or attend. My friends may be busy and have to leave me alone some nights, but they also drop into my heart with invitations for waffles, movies or just chats over ice cream. My family may think me from another planet (and I am. I’m not like either side in so many ways that at times it as if I originated in another place, far far from my relatives) but they consistently fill up my heart with songs around the piano, laughter filled games of Apples to Apples, constant servings of things made of chocolate and stories of ancestors long dead before I was born.
You are too, you know. Like I do with my husband on the days he frustrates me most, someone may have called you mean or unloving or an idiot. Maybe you are. Maybe ONE TIME you did something unkind. That doesn’t make you a cruel person. That doesn’t define you for life. Like my husband is, you are a gift. You may be a gift that people don’t understand right now. You may be acting in ways that the people around you can’t figure out. And maybe you are doing things that you can’t figure out yourself.
Those things don’t define you. Today is today. Today is not forever.
You are so much more than the things people say about you. You may feel dumb sometimes. That’s okay. We all do. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t loving.
You may have something in or on or about your body that causes you insecurities. You may call yourself ugly. Someone else may have called you ugly as well. You’re not. Really. You’re just insecure. Someone else may have called you ugly. Their words can’t take away the fact that you may be organized or a good listener or a safe place for your friends to turn when they have an emergency or need care or are seeking answers.
You may be insecure. That’s fine. Insecurity is just one part of who you are. You may be stubborn on issues that cause people around you to call you inflexible. That’s fine. That inflexibility can’t take away the fact that you have talents that they do not.
You may be living a life and making choices that other people cannot understand. That’s fine. Their comprehension may be nice and we all want people to love and support us, but your life may be about a calling that shapes you into someone true, someone you would not become if you listened to every question your friends had and tried to shape yourself accordingly.
I call my husband an idiot. He can be, in the sense that he doesn’t know much about my princess filled/showtune soundtracked world.
But he is so much more. He can be caring. He can bring home things just to make me smile. No amount of stubbon rationalism on his part will change the fact that he was put in a specific place at a specific time to fill a specific purpose in my life. He’s a gift.
And so are you. You may be ignorant in one area. So what? No one knows everything. No one can do everything.
But you are a gift. You can be kind…and generous…and loving…and in just the right place with just the right answer at just the right time.
You are so much more than the words people use to describe you.
You are so much more than the words you use to describe yourself.
I just thought that was something you should know.

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