Stephanie Says.. Take a walk inside my head

Me (sitting on the couch with our most shy cat watching TV): Tell me you love me.

Kenny: I love you.

Me: Tell me I’m pretty.

Kenny (To whom looks mean nothing, or so he says): Growl.

Pause.

Kenny: You’re the prettiest human female who has been in the house today.  How about that?

Pause.

It then hits both of us that other human females have keys to our house.

Both of us: Unless someone snuck in.

At this, we both crack up!

Ha! After twelve years, we’re sharing a brain.

At least occasionally.

Me (after having read something political which I NEVER EVER do): Honey?

Kenny (who hates it when I start a question that way because it usually involves adding something to his already full to do list): Yeah? (Picture this said in a sarcastic yet wary tone.)

Me: I’ve been reading about health care and I’m getting worried.  What if something happens and I can’t…

Kenny (interrupting me before I go on and on): It’ll be okay.

Me: So if I need something you’ll get it for me?

Kenny: Yeah.

I’m just starting to feel better when he adds this: “Or shoot you, one”.

All righty then.  Good to know he has a plan.

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We’re in the car.  The podcasts that Kenny has loaded have come to an end so he switches over to some random music.

I wake up to Neil “There are two kinds of people in the world.  Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t.” Diamond.  I happen to like Neil Diamond and am happy that the music is on my favorite song “Hello, Again, Hello”. (Yes, I know this isn’t the title of the song, but it’s what I call it.  So there.)

So we’re passing Wendy’s and then McDonald’s and the song isn’t over and we pull into our driveway and I expect Kenny to keep the song playing until it finished.  He doesn’t.  He turns the key and opens the door, which stops the music.

Me (indignantly):  Hey!  I was listening to that!

Kenny: So?  You can listen to it in the house.

Me: But it’s my favorite song!

Kenny (knowing full well that I have about a million “favorite songs”): We’re home now, it’s time to go into the house.

Me (pouting): You used to finish them for me.  You used to drive me around so I could hear the music.

Kenny (halfway to the house while I’m still in the car): Yeah.  Gas was cheaper then too.

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At work running newsletters for a community group.  Running so many newsletters that we have both the old copier and the new one (that the company recommended when the old copier started acting up) working.

Kenny (upon discovering that the “new” copier is acting up while the “old one” -that used to be the “bad one” is running just fine): Piece of Garbage!

Me: Now honey, I mess up sometimes and you don’t call me a “piece of garbage”.

Kenny: Yeah, but I don’t pay $700 a month for you.

Pause

Kenny: I especially don’t pay $700 a month for you because my first wife is worn out.

Allrighty, then!

 

While watching -The Amazing Race-, a show in which teams of two people read clues, participate in challenges and try to beat the other teams in a predetermined course around the world.

Me: (upon seeing that one team didn’t read their clue) You know, it’s easy to laugh at them now, but if we were ever in that situation, we might…

Kenny: (Cutting me off in a “This is final” tone of voice) I would never be in that situation with you.

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Watching a different episode of -The Amazing Race- in which teams have to find a hotel by identifying the famous woman in the picture.

Me: (squinting past the sunglasses on the face of the woman in the picture) That looks like Jackie Kennedy.  Why wouldn’t they know Jackie Kennedy?

Kenny: Well the younger people wouldn’t know her. (Looking at me, realizing that he’s called me old.) But you know her because you’re weird.

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At Wal*Mart.  One thirty in the morning after a long day at work.  Kenny wants to get our stuff, get home, go to bed.  He’s striding toward the Pepsi, not looking to the left or the right.  I’m skipping along reading all the labels on the stuff on the shelves, looking at the Holiday edition Fabreeze.

Me: (After catching up with him) Would you know if I wasn’t behind you, or would you just keep walking?

Kenny: At this point I wouldn’t care.  (Pause) Well, I’d know you weren’t with me when I got home and you weren’t in the car.