Stephanie Says.. Take a walk inside my head

Happy Girl

I like to talk. If you know anything at all about me, you probably know that. What you may not know, however, is that while I like to talk, I am not very skilled at it. I have a tendency, as they say, to ramble.

(True story: I once began a conversation with my co worker and chased so many rabbits getting to the end that it was not wrapped up until three days later.)

I’m better at conversing if there is something going on at the time. A dinner, for example, or a movie. Or, as is often the case in my life, a game.
I love them. Oh not the ones that require strategy and cunning and result in some kind of clear victor defeating everyone else. I will never be a Grand Master or anything. No, I like family style games such as Scrabble or Clue (in which I am –always- Miss Scarlet and –always- go first. It’s in the rules. Read the box if you have one.) or Life (in which I make everyone around me name their “spouses” and “children”).

My favorite game, however, particularly online, is Questions. Sometimes my friends and I play Rapid Fire Yes or No No Thinking (“Are you afraid of flying?”, for example, or “Have you ever read –Moby Dick- and made it all the way through?”). SOMETIMES, however, the questions go deeper, especially as we get to know each other better and begin to tell our stories.

Such was the case the other day. My friend and I were bouncing “What clubs did you join in school?” and “Where was your favorite vacation spot?” type inquiries back and forth when he floored me.

“Tell me” he typed “about the happiest time of your life.”

I was stunned. I honestly was. Before I could reply with a string of “Ummmmmmmmmmmmms”, he had to leave and I was spared having to answer.

But he got me thinking. The happiest time of –my- life? Me? The girl who has had one of THOSE lifetimes?

Maybe it was when…no that didn’t end well…
How about the time…nope, heartache there too…
I honestly couldn’t come up with an answer.

And then, all of a sudden, I could.

I don’t, I realized, have a happiest time in my life because my happy comes in TIMES. A kiss here, a smile there, just the slightest hint of a breeze over in that direction.

So, my friend, I can’t answer your question as you asked it, but I can tell you about my moments.

I am happy, for example, when games of questions with new friends turn into getting to know you sessions and real connections are made.

I am happy when a day is warm and a slight wind begins to blow. I am convinced that wind is directly from God.

I am happy when Kenny and I arrive early for an appointment and he suggests we travel down an unknown road or two with Neal Diamond on the radio.

I am happy when someone tells a joke that catches me off guard and I laugh so hard that I begin to sputter.

I’m happy when I’m visiting my parents and my father sits down on the piano bench in order to duet with me on old, old hymns.

I am happy when I am brushing my hair and all the tangles are out and the repetitive motion of going through my tresses soothes me.

I am happy when someone has a problem or question and I can’t provide the answer myself, but I know someone who can and connections are made that last beyond my introduction.

I am happy when I work with preschoolers at church and they concentrate so hard on learning the motions to our songs or praying ALL BY THEMSELVES for the first time with no prompting or help.

I am happy when I open the refrigerator looking for something to drink and discover that Kenny has bought a Black Cherry Water just for me because he knows it is my favorite.

I am happy when I am out to dinner with friends and one of us mentions a musical and the whole table bursts into song without any kind of pre planning.

I am happy when I see a light in the eyes of the people I love indicating that they are where they need to be, doing what brings them joy or with someone who loves them very much.

I am happy when I am in a church service and, right in the middle of a song; I experience absolute, transporting joy that honestly was not there just a moment before.

I am happy when I wake up, stretch and realize that I had an honest to goodness real night’s sleep or restful nap and I don’t have a headache and aren’t grumpy.

I am happy when people seem to like what I post or write.

I am happy when I am in the middle of taking a shower and realize that I’m singing. And, not only am I singing, I’m singing LOUDLY. Coming to myself in the middle of a shower song is a wonderful indicator for me that my clouds of depression are dissipating, at least for a little while.

I am happy when I pick up a book that I am not sure I am going to like, only to find that I really enjoy it.

I am happy when my book club meets and I am exposed to volumes I never would have chosen for pleasure reading but find I like the mix of genres we discuss.

I am happy when I say “Gee, Brain, whatta you wanna do tonight?” and my co worker looks at me and says “The same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world.” I have wonderful co workers.

I am happy when I use a book series or movie reference (such as “We can’t all come and go by…BUBBLE”) and someone not only understands it but returns in kind.

I am happy when my mother expects me to come over and bakes blueberry muffins just because she knows I like them.

I am happy when I’m at a park and on the swings, not caring how silly I look.

I am happy when my father wraps his arms around me and hugs me in a way that he reserves only for his “baby girl”.

I am happy when I get it into my head that I want to try something hard or challenging only to disregard the fears that are trying to talk me out of it and succeed anyway.

I am happy when I am writing a script and a character or line just POPS and comes together.

I am happy when I am asked to plan lessons for a missions class or Bible Study. I like making up lessons but I tend to be bossy about the way they are taught. I would make a terrible director. Everyone would hate me and my “Work With Me People” attitude.

I am happy when my cat takes time off from her wandering around the house and decides to curl up into me and purr and purr.

I am surprised and happy when I KNOW that I am doing or thinking something straight from heaven. I often feel that I stumble and mess up but occasionally I just unshakably KNOW that whatever I’m about to do is Right, Right, Right.

And I am most happy when I have my room, my music, the love of my close friends and family, my hot water and Irish Spring, my books and my cats.

And my boyfriend. Chocolate is my boyfriend. But it does make me happy to share if you want.

And that, my dear friend, is my list.
Happily yours,
Stephanie