Stephanie Says.. Take a walk inside my head

I have received much advice this past year. I have received stern advice. I have received funny advice. I have received confidential advice. I have received terrible advice. I have received advice in the form of stories. I have received advice in the form of songs. I have received advice from my girlfriends. I have received advice from my family. I have received advice from my husband. I have received advice from the few men in my life that I trust. I have been ignored, worried about, prayed for, scolded, scorned, played with, lied to, embraced, complimented, surprised, encouraged and brought to tears. I have made and lost friends. I have found and lost love. I have been crushed and lifted. Dreams have died and others have been born. People whom I thought would support me have disappeared and people whom I never thought to call on have stepped up without even being asked. It’s been a horrible horrible season, but it’s also been (in some ways) a blessing. I can’t promise that I’ll be any more active, competent or with it in 2015, but I am ready to make baby steps. I am ready to crawl. I am ready to try. Just please, promise to try and love me. I won’t do what you think I should. I won’t move as fast as you think I ought. I won’t listen to the things you say. I’ll ignore the remarks you make that don’t apply to me AT ALL (seriously people…Hi…my name is Stephanie…have you MET me?). I’ll stumble. I’ll fall. I’ll sleep. I’ll cry. I’ll break my promises and if you care for me very much, I’ll probably break your heart. But I promise. I promise to try. I promise to try to be there more, to listen more, to show up more and to care. Please. Please. Loving me is not mandatory. It is not a requirement. But if you do. If you really do, can you promise to try? I’ll stumble and fumble and fall. I’ll disappoint you over and over again. You’ll shake your head and bite your lip. I’ll do my best but I’ll fail. Please…if you really care…can you promise to love me anyway? Even if…Even WHEN…it hurts?