Stephanie Says.. Take a walk inside my head

True confession: Yes, I can be a hypocrite. I’ve clapped at things I didn’t really think were good. I’ve smiled at people who bug the fire out of me. I’ve said “I love you” when I was feeling anything but loving (or lovable). The older, I get, however, the more interested I am at trying to find, be and project my authentic self. I’m not quite “What you see is what you get”, but I’m working on it. If I’m happy, I’m generally singing, bouncing and dancing. If I’m excited, I clap my hands and jump up and down. If I’m hurt, I cry. And if I’m breaking down, well, you might not know the reasons, but you generally can tell that it is happening. I want to be as open as I can with everyone I can. I do, and have, lied, but that’s not who I want to be. I want to be…trusted. I want you to know…me. My husband, however, while never being less than whom he actually is, feels differently. He values friendships but doesn’t express a need to fold the entire world into some kind of embrace. You have to work with him, to put in time to get to know the man. So, when I asked him if he wanted to contribute a column to my blog, I guess I should not have been surprised when he declined. He has not, he declared to me, anything to say. He just isn’t interested in expressing an opinion on any of my topics. I do, however, have blanket permission to say anything I want ABOUT him. I’ll try not to reveal any secrets, and sometimes I wish he would take an opportunity to speak for himself, but, for now at least, he’s letting me speak for him. If only I could think of anything to say.